This is my collection of things I found amusing, anything from song lyrics to forwards, and maybe if ya look hard enough, ya might see one or two of my thoughts! Enjoy!
**Also** I hate forwarding email so this is a shortcut!
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Email me at www.jenicabeth@hotmail.com
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Forwards I found amusing!
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Thursday, October 16, 2003
When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to
see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was
once a church that was used for black masses, had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices
in your house move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is
other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot
of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds
to kill them, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it
alone.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,
tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your
life.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take *anything* from the dead.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.
Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note
that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is
merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up
with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns,
hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane
torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased
companions.
11:30 AM
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