This is my collection of things I found amusing, anything from song lyrics to forwards, and maybe if ya look hard enough, ya might see one or two of my thoughts! Enjoy!
**Also** I hate forwarding email so this is a shortcut!
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
Email me at www.jenicabeth@hotmail.com
|
|
|
|
Forwards I found amusing!
|
|
| |
Monday, March 03, 2003
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr ******, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.
"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"
At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back???
**************************************
A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS,
excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron
or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit
dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi.
Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the
Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by
having a little fun with the Rabbi.
"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his
obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you
do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the
crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back
to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo
balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save
up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to
the I.R.S."
"The I.R.S.?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, " the I.R.S. " .and about once a year,
they send us a little prick like you."
*************************************************
There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation and he said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top of it!"
10:55 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
