This is my collection of things I found amusing, anything from song lyrics to forwards, and maybe if ya look hard enough, ya might see one or two of my thoughts! Enjoy!
**Also** I hate forwarding email so this is a shortcut!
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Email me at www.jenicabeth@hotmail.com
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Forwards I found amusing!
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Dear Employees :
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for departmental
use, we are forced to cut down on personnel. Under a new plan,
older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus
permitting retention of younger people who represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year, via retirement, will be place into effect
immediately.
The program will be know as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees may also request a
review of their employment records before actual retirement takes
place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by
Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED only
once, and SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the
company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled
to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel?s Early
Severance), or he/she may elect to get the CLAP (Combined Lump-sum
Assistance Payment), unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional
Income from Dependent or Spouse) in which case you?re on your
own.
As HERPES and CLAP are considered part of our premium benefits
plan, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer
be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who will be
staying on board, that we will certainly continue our program of
employee development through our Special High Intensity Training
(SHIT).
We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We are
delighted to know that we have given our employees more SHIT than
any company in this area. However, if any employee feels they do
not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive as
much SHIT as you can stand.
Once again, thanks for all your years of service with our company.
The Management
12:43 PM
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